Jasper Fforde (1961- )

Fforde was born in London and educated at the Dartington Hall School.  I started to read his books after seeing an interview with him in an LA Times newspaper Sunday supplement.  His cleverness and creativity outshine any that of any author of novels I have ever read.  He is truly a lover of literature and language.

The Eyre Affair (2001)

(re-read) I discovered author Fforde one day in the 2000s after reading a brief biography of him in Parade magazine.  I was pleasantly surprised by his creative, fictional writing style.  In fact, the discovery of a new writing style is one of my favorite forms of entertainment.  If Joseph Heller mastered the deja-vu style with Catch-22; and if J.D. Salinger created the talk-like-a-juvenile style with Catcher in the Rye; and if Ken Kesey wowed me with the multiple-narrator style in Sometimes a Great Notion; then Fforde burst upon the scene in 2001 with the lost-in-a-good-book style of his Thursday Next series.   While I admit that I have not read a single Charlotte Bronte book, one would have to be almost illiterate to be unaware of the characters and style of Jane Eyre (1847) that have become embedded in English culture.

The first page of The Eyre Affair begins with a quote from historian "Millon De Floss" (not to be confused with The Mill on The Floss by Mary Ann Evans [aka George Eliot] - 1860) that references Special Operations departments including "Literature Detectives" and "ChronoGuard" in an odd bureaucracy of some alternate England.  These first mentions of SpecOps immediately reminded me of Monty Python's "Ministry of Silly Walks" which was created as the ultimate governmental non sequitur.  We also learn that the father of the narrator (Thursday Next) was a member of the ChronoGuard who had "gone rogue" and was now "at liberty" in opposition to the "bureaucrats within the Office for Special Temporal Stability."  OK, what is going on here?  The novel begins as a mystery wrapped within a world of speculative fiction.  By page 2 we learn that our narrator is a literary detective (whatever that is) fighting the big criminal gangs who were somehow profiting from fake literature.  And, she (Thursday) has a cloned pet dodo named Pickwick.  We do not know the year of this affair yet but, apparently, it is some future time when cloning has become commonplace.  Dodos have been extinct since 1662. 

Thursday's father stopped time one spring morning.  He could do that.  And he could travel through time.  Her father would visit Thursday in the present from time to time but was he usually occupied with French revisionists who were trying to change history.  When her father departed for his next adventure, the present time started again.  On page 6 we are introduced to the "Goliath Corporation" that seems to run just about everything including TNN (Toad News Network).  On page 7, TNN tells us that the date is May 6, 1985 but it is a much different "1985" than I remember since the Crimean War is still happening.  According to most history books, Russia lost that war to the Ottoman Empire in 1856.  In Chapter One, our protagonist reveals that she was a Crimean War veteran having served in 1973.

Chapter Two begins with the startling news that an 1842 manuscript by Charles Dickens (The Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit) has been stolen.  This is the first time an important manuscript had been taken since such relics had been placed under bullet-proof glass and closely guarded.  TNT was quick to grab Detective Next for comment.  After the brief interview, Thursday began her investigation of the burglary.  There was no evidence found at the scene of the crime but the glass protecting the manuscript had a "shiny surface ripple."  The video surveillance camera showed that the book had been stolen within a 20-second interval.  This was going to be a difficult case. 

Toward the end of Chapter three, Thursday is offered an assignment transfer to SO-5 (Search & Containment) to locate Acheron Hades, an English lecturer who had become a noted career criminal.  This criminal is known for his powers of persuasion and the fact that no photographs have ever been taken of him.  Nobody in the department is allowed to speak the name because he has the ability to hear his own name within a one-thousand-yard radius.  Thursday Next was chosen for this assignment because she could recognize Hades, having seen him when "he was one of the lecturers when I studied English at Swindon in '68."

By Chapter four it is obvious that classic literature is more important and its fans are much more rabid in this timeline.  We encounter some young fans of Henry Fielding (1707-1754) who are swapping Fielding bubble-gum cards.  Later, a Baconian interrupts Thursday during a stake-out of the flat of Acheron's brother, Styx Hades.  This devotee of Francis Bacon (1561-1626) quickly unloads his belief in the conspiracy theory that it was Bacon and not Shakespeare who "had penned the greatest plays in the English language."  The Baconian also complained that the headquarters of his monthly gathering had recently been fire-bombed by "the radical wing of the New Marlovians" (fans of Christopher Marlowe, 1564-1593).  During the stake-out, Thursday's boss, Tamworth introduces the subject of the Bronte novel, Jane Eyre.  Tamworth mentioned the controversial ending of Jane Eyre and suggested that she re-read it.  At the end of this chapter, they get their first sighting of that fiend, Acheron Hades.

Thursday and Tamworth tried to capture Hades but he was too quick for them.  Hades shot and killed his brother, Styx and time traveler Filbert Snood; then, disguised as an old woman, he shot and killed Tamworth and escaped in Thursday's car after being confronted by her.  Although shot many times himself, Hades recovered and shot Thursday in the chest.  Fortunately, the bullet hit Thursday's copy of Jane Eyre.  Later in hospital, Thursday is interviewed by SO-1 operatives who tell her that Hades was killed.  But, after they leave the hospital, Thursday is visited by her future self who tells her that Hades is alive and that she should take the SO-27 job in Swindon after she recovers.  At the end of Chapter five, we learn that Thursday was treated at the scene of the shooting by Edward Fairfax Rochester who had apparently emerged from the pages of the book.  Rochester's handkerchief was found at the scene.  It was dated "1833." 

In Chapter six Thursday recounts her first experience with the novel, Jane Eyre as a young girl.  At the time, it seemed that she was within the scene interacting with the characters and a dog.  An extraordinary part of the "Thursday Next" series is that the male author has written an intimate series of stories from the view of a female protagonist.  His accounts of the girl/woman and her feelings may be flawed but I am impressed by his effort.  However, I am not qualified to say whether his work succeeds at that level.

In Chapter seven Thursday met Jack Schitt, head of the Goliath Corporation international security service.  The meeting was not a friendly one but, they will meet again.

On her airship flight to Swindon (Chapter eight), Thursday meets her old commanding officer, Colonel Phelps who is still fighting the Crimean War but now with a prosthetic hand.  This meeting causes Thursday to recall the terrible battle that caused her brigade to lose 483 soldiers including her brother, Anton Next.  After landing she is collected by Spike from SO-17 (Vampire and Werewolf Disposal Operations) and meets one captured werewolf (Mr. Meakle).  She stops at a used car lot and buys a sports car, the same one that had visited her in the hospital six months earlier.

In the next chapter (9), Thursday visits her mother at her childhood home in Swindon.  Her Aunt Polly and Uncle Mycroft, the inventor were now living with her mother.  While Thursday's mother and aunt cook dinner, Uncle Mycroft to his workshop to show her his latest inventions including: the ChameleoCar, translating carbon paper, the Olfactograph, HyperBookworms and Hyper BookwormDoublePlus Good. 

Thursday then checked into her hotel that was hosting the 112th John Milton Convention.  Her co-workers Analogy & Cable, and her ex-husband, Landen were waiting for her.  While Thursday was talking to Landen after their piano duo, her father stopped time to give her a taste of a new fruit (banana) that he had found in 2055.  His plan was to "introduce it (banana) somewhere in the tenth millennium before the present one and see how it goes ..."  After naming the fruit for its designer (Anna Bannon), Thursday concluded her conversation with Landen and retired to her room.

In Chapter 11, Thursday's Uncle Mycroft sent Aunt Polly into a William Wordsworth (1770-1850) poem ("I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"), with the help of the bookworms and his Prose Portal machine.  This does not seem to make much sense but we must go with it.  Otherwise, the rest of the book is pure nonsense.  Polly met Wordsworth in his poem and it was a wonderful experience.  However, something then went wrong as the sky grew dark and a cold wind froze the lake.  She screamed "... as the darkness swept on and the poem closed on top of her."

Thursday arrives at the LiteraTec offices (S-27); gets a tour; and meets her new boss, Commander Braxton Hicks.  On the way back to her desk, she bumps into Jack Schitt of Goliath, acting like he owns the place.  At the end of the chapter, Thursday realizes that one of her fellow officers, Bowden Cable had been the person sitting next to her future self in her future vehicle when they visited her in the hospital in Chapter five.

Thursday and Bowden went to lunch at a transport cafe.  While there, Thursday received a call notifying that her aunt and uncle had been kidnapped.  They raced to her mother's house where several police and SpecOps cars were parked.  Soon, Jack Schitt arrived and told Thursday that he was taking over the investigation.

In Chapter fifteen we learn that Acheron Hades is indeed alive.  He is the one who kidnapped Uncle Mycroft with his Prose Patrol machine and bookworms.  With his evil cohorts, Acheron has spirited Mycroft to a hotel in Wales.  In addition, he is threatening to burn the Wordsworth poem that has entrapped poor Aunt Polly.  For his first dirty deed, Acheron has forced Mycroft to open a portal into the original manuscript of Martin Chuzzlewit that he had previously stolen.  One of Acheron's cohorts, Hobbes passes through the portal and brings back the character, "Mr. Quaverly" with him.  Therefore, every copy of this Charles Dickens novel is now missing a minor character.  It seems to be impossible but who am I to say?

Investigating the death of a former LieraTec agent, Thursday and Bowden visit the home of Sturmey Archer, a career criminal who was making a living by casting busts of famous writers.  Before they could get information about Crometty's killer, Sturmey is shot by Felix7 who is stopped by Bowden's bullet.  Felix7 confesses that he killed Crometty and then dies.  Jack Schitt enters the building and berates Thursday for spoiling his crime scene.  After returning to SpecOps, Thursday takes a call for help from Spike.

Spike Stoker had called from the college campus.  When Thursday arrived, she called Spike and received instructions regarding the medication he needed.  She met a vampire (Frampton) disguised as a janitor.  The janitor led her to the room where Spike was eating biology supplies since he was past due for his injection.  The vampire announced that he was going to eat Thursday.  But she shot him and scrambled to inject Spike.  When the vampire recovered, her bullets were no longer effective but just in the nick of time, Spike struck Frampton with a stake through the heart.

Thursday goes on a date with Anton and they argue about the Crimean War.  When back at her room, she sleeps and meets Rochester again in her dream.  Rochester reminds her that she had slightly changed the narrative in Jane Eyre when she had first visited the story as a young girl.

In Chapter 19, Thursday visits the grave of her brother, Anton.  She meets her brother, Joffy there.  They talk about family  and the Crimean War.  Then, Joffy tells Thursday that Anton is the one who has been taking care of Anton's grave.

When Thursday got back to her desk at LiteraTec, she had a visitor.  Dr. Runcible Spoon had come to her office to complain that a minor character (Mr. Quaverly) was missing from his copy of Martin Chuzzlewit.  At the same time, her colleague, Victor Analogy notified her that a body fitting Quaverly's description had been found in Honolulu.  The body had a letter from his mother dated June 5, 1843 in his pocket.  Victor and Thursday then started to discuss all of the known times that a character had been deleted or added to the original manuscript of classic literature.  Apparently, in this strange universe, all copies of any work of literature can be altered by having someone "enter" the original manuscript.  The possibilities are endless.

In Chapter 21, Thursday receives a note from Acheron demanding ten million pounds, a classic painting and the renaming of a motorway.  Otherwise, Acheron will pull Chuzzlewit out of his own novel.  Her boss, Braxton Hicks and that Goliath guy, Jack Schitt tell her to respond positively to the note and they will work on the ransom.  Meanwhile, Thursday's ex-boyfriend, Landon is planning to marry Daisy Mutlar in two weeks. 

An accountant from Newbury was found dead wearing someone else's face.  Thursday dates Bowden,  And, Acheron wants a meeting.

Goliath and LiteraTec decided to set a trap for Acheron with fake money and a fake painting.  Thursday delivered the ransom to the appointed location.  But, Acheron foiled the attempt by arriving by airplane and hooking the ransom by fly-by.  Thursday gave chase but lost the plane as it flew over water and she wrecked her car.  Bowden offered to take Thursday to Ohio with him.  Landen came to see Thursday and give her one more chance but she declined.

Uncle Mycroft was allowed to visit Aunt Polly in that Wordsworth poem in Chapter 24 under the supervision of one one of Acheron's henchmen, Felix8.  However, Mycroft had also successfully destroyed the Chuzzlewit manuscript so no more changes could be made.  Acheron just laughed at this action by Mycroft and made plans to steal another and wreak havoc on it.

The death of Mr. Quaverly has reached the press and SpecOps is being blamed.  The LiterTec staff hold a meeting and decide to infiltrate a group of "Earthcrossers" who seem to have a vague connection to associates of Acheron Hades.  It's a long-shot but so is the premise of this book.

We learn that "Earthcrosser" is another name for asteroid in Chapter 26.  One of Acheron's henchmen, Dr. Muller is a member of this group that chases meteor showers.  Victor Analogy crashes the society meeting and meets Dr. Muller but is identified as a SpecOps agent.  Just in time, the meteorites arrive to prevent the shooting of Victor, allowing Thursday & Bowen to help Victor capture Muller.  However, while Muller is being interrogated by Jack Schitt, Braxton Hicks and Thursday, he combusts spontaneously into a pile of ash after revealing a single tidbit about the whereabouts of Acheron.  Thursday goes back to her hotel and meets a reluctant Marlovian, Chris.  They talk about Marlowe, Shakespeare and Walsingham regarding the actual author of all those plays.

Oh, no!  Not Jane Eyre!  Well, I guess we all saw that coming what with the book title and all.  Acheron stole the manuscript in spite of the six fellows who were guarding it.  Thursday and Bowden burst into action and rush to the scene of the crime.  During the long trip, Bowden confesses that he has not actually read the book he is trying to save.  So, helpfully, Thursday summarizes the entire story for him.  After the telling, most of us will agree that it's not such a great loss.  However, their dash to the scene is blocked on the roadway by a temporal vortex.  Don't you hate when that happens?  Thursday and Bowden rush toward the vortex with a basketball in hand.  Don't ask.  Thursday saved the day and restored the proper time before the ChronoGuard could arrive.  Thursday and Bowden had driven through the vortex and back in time to see Thursday in the past in hospital as we knew they would.  After delivering their message to Thursday-past, they were sucked back through the maelstrom and deposited in a parking lot.  They had briefly visited the past (three weeks ago), but now ChronoGuard officials are notifying them that they have traveled 31 years into the future to 2016 and had broken several rules.  That was a long chapter.

Somehow, Thursday and Bowden returned to their timeline to finally investigate the crime scene.  I suppose that the ChronoGuard know how to bring people home from time accidents.  Back at the LiteraTec office they review the evidence and conclude that Acheron must be at the Penderyn Hotel in Wales. 

In Chapter 29, Acheron sends Hobbes through the Prose Portal to kidnap Miss Jane.  There is a tussle with Rochester and a maid but Hobbes manages to drag Jane back through the portal and into the Penderyn Hotel where Acheron is waiting.

The disappearance of Jane from page 107 of the Bronte book causes a furor across the land.  Braxton is given one week to put her back or Jack Schitt will take over LiteraTec.  Victor Analogy has a plan.

With the help of a friend in a Welsh bookstore, Thursday and Bowden get a ride to the Penderyn Hotel.  They try to sneak up on Acheron who has both Uncle Mycroft and Jane Eyre under guard.  However, Acheron has sensed their presence and his henchmen are ready with guns.  Before anyone fires, Jack Schitt appears and reveals that he has offered a sizeable sum of money for the Prose Portal on behalf of Goliath.  But, Jack refuses to agree with Acheron's terms and everyone starts shooting.  Fortunately, Thursday's father appears and stops time just in the nick.  Acheron jumps through the portal into Jane Eyre.  When time is restored, Thursday & Bowden are safely under cover before bullets hit them.  The shooters retreat; Thursday grabs Jane; and they jump into the portal to chase down Acheron.  Throughout the chapter, the bookworms are belching out punctuation and capitalizing words.  There was much confusion.

Within the 19th century novel, Thursday and Rochester plot their attack on Acheron.  Then, Thursday gets some new clothes and meets some Japanese tourists.  At the end of Chapter 32, Thursday finds Acheron but fails to get him to surrender.

By the beginning of Chapter 33, Thursday had spent months in that book as it rewrote itself for all humankind.  Acheron remained five miles away.  But finally, Acheron makes his break and rushes to the Eyre estate.  Thursday and Rochester give chase but it is crazy old Mrs. Rochester who finds Acheron's vulnerability with her silver silver.  He sets the house (Thornfield) ablaze but before he can escape [SPOILER ALERT!] Thursday shoots him with her silver bullet.

Thursday's actions have changed the ending of the novel.  Jane is now with Rochester in a better ending.  Thursday returns through the portal with the Wordsworth poem so Mycroft can retrieve Polly.  In the confusion, Jack Schitt is pushed into a book about plasma rifles and trapped there.  Now Thursday must stop Landen from getting married.

With the help of a time-traveling Japanese tourist, the Landen-Mutlar wedding is canceled.  Then, the next morning Ms. Next is attacked by Goliathe flunkies but escapes to a scheduled debate where she manages to bring peace to the Crimea.

In the final chapter, Thursday and Landen are married.  Her father briefly appears and several others come by to tease the plot of the sequel.  [JAM 6/27/2020]

Lost in a Good Book (2002)

(re-read) 1 - After her heroic role in the restoration of the Jane Eyre novel (with a better ending), Thursday Next has become a national celebrity.  She agrees to appear for an uncensored interview on The Adrian Lush Show.  However, the Goliath Corporation and her SpecOps superiors act to limit her comments to a discussion about her pet dodo, Pickwick. 

2 - Thursday's defense lawyer, Akrid Snell starts to talk to her through footnotes.  Somebody named Byron has been forging and selling the missing ending to Don Juan There are at least 2,620 Byrons registered with SpecOps.  Thursday, Bowden and Victor discuss other book forgeries that are currently under investigation.

3 - In this chapter, Bowden and Thursday visit the home of a women (Mrs. Hathaway34) who claims to have a copy of Cardenio, a lost work of William Shakespeare.  However, the volume seemed to be a forgery since it had been written on lined paper with a ballpoint pen.  Later, they visit Lord Volescamper who has a more authentic version of the lost work.

4 - There are just too many coincidences in this chapter.  Thursday takes a ride on the Skyrail being operated by a neanderthal clone.  The other seven passengers are all women with the same name (Irma Cohen).  One of the Irmas wants the neanderthat to be eliminated for being uncooperative.  She called someone at Goliath to kill the operator.  Thursday opposes this action saying: "Over my dead body."  Another one of the Irmas is working on a word puzzle with the three clue answers being: "Meddlesome", "Thursday" and "Goodbye".

5 - Thursday has a meeting with her time-travelling father on the Marlborough downs.  She tells him that her SpecOps group has located the 33rd work (Cardenio) of William Shakespeare.  Her father comments that there were only 18 when he "took the entire works back to the actor Skakespeare."  He also  explains that he had been "partners (with Lavoisier, a Chronoguard officer who attended Thursday's wedding) for seven centuries."  Her father was surprised to learn that there were now 15 Shakespearian comedies when only three existed at the time of his last visit to the sixteenth century.

4a - (Bonus chapter?) - Thursday and her boss (Victor) discuss the possibility that a rogue ChronoGuard operative may have "retrosnatched" the lost Cardenio from 1613.  SpecOps has run copies of the book's pages through the "Verse Meter Analyzer" to verify authenticity.  The pages received an impressive score of 94% (probability of Shakespeare being author) but also a 73% likelihood of Fletcher as collaborator.  Meanwhile, agents Phodder and Kannon have been reassigned (i.e. dead) after a "freak accident laying linoleum."

6 - Dodo Pickwick lays an egg.  Thursday is pregnant.  Thursday's inventor Uncle Mycroft has retired from his position at Prose Portal.  Mycroft shows Thursday his Nextian geometry theory, entroposcope and the memory erasure device.  Then, he & Aunt Polly blast off to the next phase of their lives. 

7 - Thursday accidentally gives journalist Hopkins a scoop about the new ending to Jane Eyre.  Thursday and Landen get a visit from Goliath employee Schitt-Hawse (with Cheese and Chalk).  They want Thursday to find another Prose Portal to get Jack Schitt out of "The Raven" in The Poems of Edgar Allan Poe.  Thursday does not budge from their threats.  After the Goliath thugs depart, Thursday gets a footnote message from lawyer Snell who tells her that she needs to appear in court for the SpecOps leak.  Before long, the coincidences start again with Thursday & Landen meeting Tony Fairwelle, Sue Long, Sarah Nara, Alf Widdershaine and Bonnie Voige before they can eat their ham sandwiches.  Thursday's entroposcope warns them to run away before the Hispano-Suiza motorcar drops from the airship onto their picnic blanket.  Thursday is certain that this is the work of Hades who was supposed to be dead after the first adventure.  They drive to SpecOps for Thursday's disciplinary hearing.

8 - Time was flexing at SpecOps when Thursday met Mr. Stiggins, a SO-13 neanderthal.  Neanderthals can conjugate verbs with facial muscles; dancing is conversation.  SO-1 operative Flanker knows that Thursday had a meeting with her father, a ChronoGuard fugitive.  Thursday had been sideslipped by her father; joggled slightly in the sidestream.  Kaylieu, the neanderthal Skyrail operator, was shot dead the morning before the meeting at SpecOps.  Thursday could be sentenced to 20 years in Closed Loop Temporal Field Containment.  Thursday is rescued by Stiggins who claimed that she had been working for SO-13 re neanderthal sedition.  Things were about to get stranger. 

9 - Goliath Corporation used the sidestream to remove Thursday's husband, Landen from existence.  Operative Schitt-Hawse has proposed a deal to Thursday: bring back Jack Schitt from "The Raven" and Goliath will bring back Landen.

10 - Thursday learns that she is still pregnant even though her husband has been eradicated.  However, she had to ask her doctor about her current address.  She found her new home with her dodo waiting for her.  Thursday's life is further complicated by rumors that she has a boyfriend at SpecOps and she has no idea who he might be.

11 - Thursday has a chance meeting with Spike Stoker of SoecOps-17 (Vampire and Werewolf Disposal).  They discuss her recent conflict with Flanker that resulted in Thursday's suspension.  Then, Thursday visits her 108-year-old Granny Next for help to find an alternate prose portal. 

12 - Thursday's landlord demands three months rent in advance or one dodo.  There is a news report about the first mammoth to reach winter pastures.  Miles Hawke calls to check on Thursday.  She tries to read Robinson Crusoe.  Thursday dreams about being on an island.  She then dreams about her eradicated husband and her arch enemy, Acheron Hades who are both alive in her memories.  Then, she is back in Crimea at Fort Aardvark.  She and Landen were on leave together after giving Captain Bird 200 bars of chocolate.  Thursday is awakened from the dream by her dodo.  When she gets out of bed, she steps on sand and an old coconut husk from the book, Robinson Crusoe, 

14 - (No Chapter 13?) Thursday's mother has a wooly mammoth (Buttercup) in her yard.  Agent Durrell of SO-13 arrives to warn her not to harm the protected species.  The garden was destroyed but the agent gave her a leaflet: "How to Make Your Garden Less Palatable to Proboscidea".   Thursday takes the Saknussum International Gravitude from London to Sydney which is a shortcut to Osaka.  During the trip she meets Akrid Snell, a fictional character from the "the Perkins & Snell series of of crime books" who also works for Jurisfiction.  Snell reminds Thursday that she has been charged with a "Fiction Infraction Class II" for changing the ending of Jane Eyre.  The hearing for her case is tomorrow at 9:25 a.m.

15 - In Osaka, Thursday is looking for Mrs. Nakajima who had been vacationing in Jane Eyre.  There were 2,729 Nahajimas in the Osaka telephone phone.  After calling 351 numbers, Thursday was frustrated because she could not understand what most of them were saying.  Fortunately, she started getting clues from the English words on clothing worn by Japanese people.  "Coincidences had increased to the point that where everyone I [Thursday] saw was wearing something with a relevant logo."  Her entroposcope had formed curved bands.  She found Mrs. Nakajima's apartment at 65 Walrus Street.  Mrs. Nakajima was not home but she left a note for Thursday promising fun times with Jurisfiction and warning that Mr. Schitt-Hawse is just outside the apartment.  She took a deep breath and read herself into the nearest book just before Mr. S-H could grab her.

16 - Thursday finds herself in the giant Jurisfiction library where The Cheshire Cat is the librarian.  The Cat tells Thursday that she is expected to be an apprentice to Miss Havisham from Great Expectations.  He also notifies her that Jane Eyre is the 728th favorite fiction fiction.  The Cat also warns her not to try to read herself into "The Raven."  So, Thursday starts reading Great Expectations.

17 - Thursday meets Miss Havisham who takes her to The Trial.  

18 - Thursday appears before the judge being charged for a "Class II Fiction Infraction."  They discuss her lateness and official occupation (housepainter).  The judge places the prosecutor (Hopkins) under arrest for failing to identify the most popular housepaint color (green).  Since the prosecutor is now unavailable, the judge announces a postponement of the trial.

19 - Thursday reads herself and Mrs. Havisham into her apartment in 1985 from the description of it in the Jurisfiction book in her pocket.  Havisham insists on driving to the book sale at Swindon Booktastic to purchase the boxed set of Daphne Farquitt works before the Red Queen could get them.  Swindon police officers are chasing them for reckless driving.  Thursday creates a diversion and manages to buy the books.  Havisham gives Thursday a gold ring and tells her to "never take it off."  Thursday car has been towed and she gets arrested by officer Rawlings.

20 - Thursday is charged with the 1621 law: "permissioning a horse and carte to be driven by persons of low moral turpitude" with the word "car" written above the crossed out "horse and carte/"  She must appear in front of the magistrate in a week.  Thursday departed the police building and went ditectly to the Literatec's office.  She tells Bowden about her ability to travel within books without the use of a Prose Portal.  Thursday receives a report on the composition of the goo given to her by her father.  The forensics group is still unsure of the goo origin.  Lord Vo;escamper has given the valuable copy of Cardenia to Yorrick Kaine, leader of the Whig party.  Thursday meets Miles Hawke, who might be her boyfriend.  She quickly makes an excuse to avoid his request for a date.  She meets reporterLydia Startright who wants to know why the book was given to Yorrick.  Thursday meets Kaine and asks him about the Whig party's Welsh policy.

21 - Thursday attends brother Joffy's art exhibition in the Global Standrad Deity church.  SpecOps PR person, Cordelia Flakk meet her there.  One of the artists is Mr. Duchamp2924 whose work The Id Within "reflects the many different layers that cocoon and restrict us in society today."  Thursday calls it an onion.  Cordelia introduces Thursday to Harold Flex who wants to make a movie about the Eyre Affair.  Thursday tells her mother (Wednesday) that she is pregnant.  Thursday and Cordelia meet Zorf, the neanderthal artist.  Neanderthals prefer abstract paintings.   Granny Next asks Thursday to name the ten more boring classics.  Answers: Paradise Lost, Ivanhoe, Moby-Dick, A la recherchedu temps perdu, Pamela, A Pilgrim's Progress.  Two SpecOps agents (Lamme & Slorter) are looking for Thursday.  Their orders are to stick to Thursday like glue.  She warns them that they could be killed just like the other four agents with the assignment.  After the exhibit, Thursday drives Gran home and collects her dodo with egg.

22 - Time stops as Thursday's father arrives from his time travels.  He asks her about Winston Churchill who has been erased from time.  Thursday explains that Goliath has eradicated her husband.  Her father decides that they must go back in time to save Landen.  They arrive six months before the event so as to avoid being captured by Lavoisier and the ChronoGuard.  Her father then adjust their time travel speed to rapidly pass through the season and close in on the eradication event.  However, the ChronoGuard stop them before they can rescue Landen.  Thursday and her father are captured by Lavoisier but they escape in time with the ChronoGuard on their tails.  They are captured again but escape again when Thursday reminds them that was a "ChronoGuard industrial action" happening soon and that they would need to cross a picket line in order to return Thursday and Dad for prosecution.  Being loyal TimeGuild members, Lavoisier's henchmen release their captives.  Thursday's father return returns her to her apartment in 1985 and was gone, allowing time to start again.  Thursday goes into work and studies the "Jurisfiction instruction manual."  When she gets home, her landlord is waiting for her to pay the rent or be evicted.  

23 - Thursday enters the Loathsome Id Containment Facility with Spike Stoker of SpecOps-17 to capture a Supreme Evil Being.  This chapter does not seem to advance the main story but, there may be a connection before the end of the book.  For her work with Spike, Thursday was paid enough to cover her rent.

24 - SpecOps Area Commander Braxton Hicks gives Thursday an "F" on her performance review.  Then, Flanker calls her time-traveling father "chronupt."  Victor is running 1985 through the Prose Analyzer.  When Thursday gets back to the office, she dodges Miles Hawke again but gets caught by Cordelia who wants her to meet with two people.  However, before she can meet with Cordelia's people, she gets a footnote message from Miss Havisham ro red herself into Sense and Sensibility where she meets Marianne Dashwood.  The Jane Austen character knows about Jurisfiction and wants there help to the "tragic fate of Confusion and Conviviality."  Marianne asks Thursday to bring her some snacks from 1985 and then she runs away. 

25 - The headquarters of Jurisfiction is a ballroom within Sense and Sensibility.   The Red Queen interrupts the meeting looking for Miss Havisham re the Booktastic sale.  The Bellman calls Jurisfiction session number 40311 to order.  The first order of business: David and Catrionia Balfour are not coming back because they have been "boojummed."  Item two: Thursday Next is the new recruit.  Item three: Uncle Mycroft is an interloper in the Sherlock Holmes series.  Item four: the "mispeling vyrus" might be coming back to life.  It six: the seveth commandment in the Bible has been altered.  As the meeting is closed, the bellman gives Thursday and Haisham an assignment to fix page 2 of Great Expectations. 

26 - Vernham Deane shows Thursday some Jurisfiction shortcuts.  They meet Harris Tweed who mentions the "Well of Lost Plots" and warns her about subbasement 27 that contains "deleted characters, poor plot devices, half-baked ideas and corrupr Jurisfiction agents."  Havisham calls it an old wives' tale.   Thursday finds a "footnoterphone" that allows simplified book travel.  Thursday and Havisham go to Wemmick's store to get supplies for their trip to Great Expectations.  After several false starts, Thursday finally reads herself and Havisham into the book where they first encounter Commander Bradshaw who is leading archaeological dig to find a rumpred earlier beginning to the book.  They take a boat to the prison ship where they made the needed correction to page two.  There was also a "grammasite" on the ship feeding on adjectives.  Havisham fires a shot to scare it away from the gunport which could not be described because the adjectives had been eaten.  They returned their boat to the jetty and then both to Havisham's room.  Thursday returned the supplies to Wemmick at Jurisfiction.  She saw the scratched and bruised Harris Tweed returning from his trip to The Lost World.  Thursday's dodo was waiting for her when she got home from her long day.  There were two messages from Cordelia on her phone.     

27 - According to Thursday's father, the world will be covered in pink gunge in three days unless the timeline is altered.  SpecOps has not been able to identify the goo from their forensics testing.  Thursday daydreams herself into her memories of her eradicated husband, and together they try to interpret past coincidences to find out who is trying to kill her.  Based on numerous overlapping clues, Thursday deduces that the would-be killer is Aornis Hades, sister of the late Acheron Hades, who also had a brother named Styx.  Then her brother Joffy arrives and tells her that Miles is his boyfriend and not her lover - to her great relief.  Thursday decides that she must go inside The Raven asap to release Jack Schitt and regain her husband, Landen.   

28 - Before Thursday can meet with Goliath operative, Brik Schitt-Hause, agents Lamme and Slorter arrive at her home to arrest her for possession of an illegal substance (cheese).  However, she quickly slams the door on them and climbed out the fire escape to get in the car of Schitt-Hause.  They drive to Goliath's Research & Development facility where they are trying to build a Prose Portal and other methods of book travel.  Thursday makes a deal with S-H and Lavoisier to trade Jack Schitt for her husband, Landen.  She reads herself into The Raven, rescues Edgar Allan Poe, and brings J.S. (brother of S-H) back with her to the Goliath lab.  Then, S-H notifies her that she need to several more "small jobs" before her husband will be released from eradication.  At the end of the chapter, Thursday is being held in a vault until she agrees to comply with the Goliath demands.

29 - Miss Havisham rescues Thursday from the Goliath vault by reading both of them into a laundry tag.  From the tag they move to the Hoover Electron 800 Deluxe washing machine and then to Havisham's house in Great Expectations.  Havisham informs her that Thursday must recover the only copy of Cardenio that was obviously stolen from the Jurisfiction great library. 

30 - Thursday, Harris Tweed and the Cheshire Cat go to the library to plan the recovery of Cardenio.  They decide to travel to Lord Volescamper's residence through a first edition of Decline and Fall.  Harris and Thursday make the jump.  The Cat stays at the great library to communicate by footnote.  Harris tells the Cat to send the safecrackers (Raffles and Bunny) since the manuscript is kept in Volescamper's safe.  Before the safe can be cracked, Volescamper and Yorrick Kaine arrive to stop them.  Thursday traps them in the room but Kaine summon the Questing Beast, a monster from the oral tradition before books were written.  Thursday and Harris trick Kaine into revealing himself as a fictional character by using bantered lines back and forth ("revealing his fictional roots by his inability to follow undedicated dialogue").  Harris Tweed fires his gun at Kaine who flees and takes the beast with him before it breaks into the room.  He calls the Cheshire Cat to send a bookhound after the PageRunner (Kaine).  Raffles hands the manuscript of Cardenio to Thursday and the safecrackers return to Jurisfiction, leaving Volescamper to pretend that nothing happened.  Harris Tweed and the bookhound "disappeared into fine mist and the smell of hot paper."  Thursday returned to her apartment and hid from Goliath and SpecOps.  She needed to get some sleep so she could save the world in the morning.

31 - Cordelia (with honeymooners James and Catia Plummer) helps Thursday escape from Goliath, Aornis and SpecOps who are outside her apartment after making an agreement regarding future PR events.  Thursday checks the entroposcope that shows a swirling pattern within the the rice and lentils.  Before leaving the apartment, Catia breaks the glass marshmallow jar that was full of the pink goo.  It splattered on all of them.  James identifies the goo as strawberry Dream Topping.  Thursday deduces that the goo had been made by the nanomachines designed to make protein out of garbage as her Uncle Mycroft had explained.  After escaping, Thursday realizes that the world was about to end in 26 minutes.

32 - Thursday arrives at Consolidated Useful Stuff where the goo experiment is happening.  She easily gains entry because she was in the middle of "an isolated high-coincidental localized entropy field decreasement."  She meets her cousin Wilbur who takes her to the dangerous pink goo that will multiply and cover the Earth unless she can stop.  Coincidentally, the phones are out and the power plus three backup generators are starting to fail.  Thursday realizes that Aornis Hades is reponsible for all of this.  She quickly finds Aornis within her brain and discovers all of her memories Aornis has erased because she is a mnemenomorph capable of recollection erasures.  Aornis tells Thursday that her only chance of saving the world is too blown her brains out with a bullet from her gun.

33 - Thursday's father arrives and grabs the gun before Thursday can shoot herself.  He then catches the goo as the generator fails.  He says goodbye to Thursday and gives her his chronograph while the goo turns his hand into strawberry pudding.  Then, he travels to three billion B.C. with the goo and saves the world.

34 - Thursday jumps on her brother's motorcycle and rides to her mother's house to tell her what happened to her father.  When she gets there, she sees that the house is being guarded by Goliath agents.  So she sneaks around back and comes in through the dodo door to be held at gunpoint by Lady Emma Hamilton.  Then, her mother and father come into the room.  Her father suggests that she hides in a sideways world without dodos, mammoths, Gravitubes, the extended Crimean War or memories of Landen.  Thursday decides instead to live in a book in the Well of Lost Plots until her child is born.  With the help of Miss Havisham and the bellman, Thursday gets a new identity through the "Character Exchange Program" as someone named Briggs in an unpublished novel set in the summer "on the banks of a reservoir somewhere in the home counties" where she is placed in charge of a flying boat.

The Well of Lost Plots (2003)

(re-read) 1 - Thursday has read herself into an unpublished book (Caversham Heights) to hide from her enemies and to deliver her child in a pleasant location.  She enters a character exchange program to replace a fictional character named Mary.  She will be living and working in a partially-remodeled flying boat.  She is able to communicate to BookWorld people through the "footnoterphone."  She meets two "Generic" characters without names who are also living on the boat.  She names them "ibb" and "obb".  The Generics had been created after the 1982 character shortage.  obb quickly learns how to cook after reading "Mrs. Beeton's Complete Housekeeper."  Generics are fast learners.

2 - Wyatt tells Thursday to go to Reading and take the place of "Mary" in the Caversham Heights detective novel.  The books does not have any readers and could soon be the subject of a demolition order.  Thursday meets the book's fictional characters who have many questions for her about what it is like to be an "Outlander."  The main character. Jack Spratt wants to quit the novel but Thursday convinces him to change the storyline of his character by quitting his alcohol use and apologizing to his wife.  She also learns about the "Council of Genres" who can decide whether an unpolished book should be demolished, broken down into words and cast into the "Text Sea."  Dr Singh confesses that she does not know what her character is talking about.  Thursday suggests that Dr. Singh should use a large thermometer on the victim.  

3 - Thursday returns to the houseboat after appearing in the unpublished book as detective Mary.  She is first visited by three rhyming witches who want money.  Then, her 108-year-old grandmother arrives to help her with her pregnancy.  Thursday teaches ibb and obb about sarcasm while cookiing an omelet for Gran Next.  Weird had become commonplace in the Well of Lost Plots. 

4 - Thursday dreams about her eradicated husband, Landen and how they met during the 120-year war in Crimea.  The dream is going just as she remembered until Landen is the one who is killed instead of random guard.  She is awakened by her grandmother who tells her that Aornis is changing Thursday's memories of Landen.

5 - Thursday receives a visit from her fictional lawyer, Acrid Snell.  The lawyer informs her the her "Fiction Infraction" trial could happen within a week.  He escorts Thursday out of Caversham Heights and into The Well of Lost Plots.  Thursday immediately begins to receive "junkfootnoterphone messages" [i.e. book spam].  Thursday observes that there do not appear to be any books being written in the Well.  Snell explains:

"You Outlanders!  Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.  Vast storycode engines in Text Grand Central throughput the images to the readers as they scan the text in the Outland ... The Well of Lost Plots is where we interface the writer's imagination with the characters and plots so that it will make sense in the reader's mind.  After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer ..."

They meet Alfred Garcia who is a supplier of intriguing plot devices.  He sells Snell a severed head in a bag for $200.  They then enter the workshop of Mr. Grnksghty who is a backstoryist.  Thursday discusses back stories with Mr. G while Snell takes a call fro Miss Havisham.  They take an elevator to the 22nd sub-basement that is filled with fiction scoundresls: "a haven for cutthroats, bounty hunters, murders, thieves, cheats, shape-shifters, brigands and plagiarists."  There were several large cats in the sub-basement who were looking at Thursday as if she might become their dinner.  Thursday and Snell sit at a bar where Emperor Zhark is the bartender.  Thursday comes face-to-face with an alien creature (Thraal) who speaks in Courier Bold.  Thraal and another cretin (Nigel) threaten Thursday but are stopped by her Jurisfiction colleague, Harris Tweed who explains how Yorrick Kaine escaped from Jurisfiction.  Sneed returns to the bar and shows Thursday a "stolen freeze-dried plot device that could go off tangent if cracked.  Zhark tells Sneed that paid too much for the severed head plot so he leaves the bar to get a refund.  Thursday decides to leave the bar as well but she is followed by four of the large cats.  When the cats start to attack her, she pulls out her automatic, but a larger cat appears and chases the others.

6 - As Thursday tries to escape from the 22nd subbasement, she is chased by hundreds of Grammasites of verbosity.  She tries from them but cannot get the elevator to arrive in time.  As she is about to be overwhelmed by the grammasites, the elevator door opens and Miss Havisham pulls Thursday inside.  Miss Havisham explains that one cannot run from grammasites, but must stay and fight them by singing songs using using irregular verbs that cannot be converted into gerunds.  They defeat the grammasites and collect their waistcoats to collect the bounty.  Miss Havisham tells Thursday that she must help Perkins feed the Minotaur.  The Cheshire Cat, librarian of BookWorld appears to ask Thursday how things are going.  She explains all of her problems while also receiving a footnoterphone conversation between two fictional Russian characters.  As the Cheshire Cat fades, Thursday reads herself into a Fictionalzoology book

7 - Thursday meets Perkins (fictional partner of Snell) in a world that was written for fantasy boof, The Sword of the Zenobians.  The abandoned book is now used to keep grammasites ?and ither weird beasts."  There were many rabbits in this land that escaped from Watership Down.  Perkins shows Thursday some "Parenthiums" and they encounter a "Yahoo" from Gulliver's Travels.  This is also the place where many other mythical beasts are kept.  Thursday also learns that platypuses and sea horses are actually fictional.  They meet a talking horse named Mathias (a "Houyhnhnm") who was writing in a ledger.  Mathias, his mare and two Yahoos were used as consultants for the 1963 remake by Pierre Boulle.  Perkins and Mathias argue about the proper behavior around visitors.  Perkins shows Thursday where he keeps the Minotaur that is getting bored after eating yoghurt for five years.  Some Generics took the Minotaur out of a copy of The Greek Myths in 1944.  They walk back to a laboratory where Perkins shows Thursday a Jurisfiction bestiary that includes an adjectivore, a nounfish, a bookworm, a verbisoid and the "mispeling vyrus."  The tour ended when the raucous blast of o car horn was heard.  Miss Havisham had arrived in her twenty-seven-liter Highham Special. 

8 - Havisham takes Thursday home to Swindon in her Highland vehicle.  Thursday calls her mother while Havisham races against Mr. Toad.  Before long, SpecOps attempts to arrest both of them from their airship.  Havisham and Thursday quickly ride back to the Jurisfiction Library where Thursday retrieves her head-in-a-bag. 

9 - Thursday is back in her BookWorld houseboat home in the Well.  She is visited by a hedgehog and a tortoise (Stickly-Prickly and Slow-Solid).  They were unhappy about the mnemonic that Thursday had given to the Painted Jaguar.  She went to the corridors of the Well and ran into Commander Trafford Bradshaw who had just sold a lion-attack glass globe to an Action Sequence trader.  The Commander has been selling parts of his out-of-print books.  He introduces Thursday to a "holesmith" named Starboard.  He was working on a system to hide holes in book plots by highlighting them to the reader.  From there, the Commander and Thursday read themselves into Sense and Sensability so they could be in time for the Jurisfiction roll call.

10 - As Thursday and Bradshaw arrived at Norland Park, various fairy tale characters (Bo Peep, Humpty Dumpty, Little Boy Blue, et al.) were protesting for the same sights as other BookWorld characters.  They ran into Marianne Dashwood who was smoking in a hidden corner of Sense and Sensability,   Thursday gave her the Marmit, Mintolas and AA batteries ahe had promised.  They entered the hall and spoke with the Bellman outside of the Norland Park ballroom.  They joined Estella Havisham for the meeting.  Vernham Deane, Akrid Snell, Sir John Falstaff, King Pellinore, Lady Cavendish, Mrs. Tiggy-winkle, Emperor Zhark, Gully Foil, Perkins, Ichabod Crane and Beatrice were also in attendance.  The Bellman called meeting #40139 to order.  The following agenda items were discussed: 1. Cogratulations to Deane and Lady Cavendish for foiling the bowdlerisers in Chaucer; 2. the Text Sea Environmental Protection Agency is reporting a shortage of the letter "U"; 3.  Harris Tweed reports on the pursuit of PageRunner Yorrick Kaine; 4. Text Grand Central have reported attempts to generate ripples in the Ficto-Outland barrier by Outland company Goliath; 5. all of the punctuation has been stolen from the final chapter of Ulysses; 6. David and Catriona Balfour from Robert Louis Stevenson books a few weeks ago; 7. The Bellman is retiring in two weeks and the Council of Genres will need to find a replacement; 8. Text Grand Central have been working on an upgrade to the Book Operating System for 50 years.  Bradshaw warns that the attempt to upgrade SCROLL caused the entire library of Alexandria to be wiped out of existence.  The Bellman assured Bradshaw that the latest upgrade to BOOK V9 will be welcomed.  The Bellman turned over the meeting to WordMaster Libris.

11 - Xavier Libris lectured the BookWorld Group on the new operating system, BOOK Version 9 (also known as UltraWord).  A new system was needed because all of the possible book plots under the old system had been exhausted by 1884.  Individual assignments regarding the UltraWord roll-out were given.  Havisham and Thursday would be chairing the Wuthering Heights rage-counseling session.

12 - Havisham and Thursday read into Wuthering Heights for the scheduled counseling session.  All of the characters are gathered in the house except Heathcliff who is running late.  The session starts without Heathcliff.  All of the characters hate and despise Heathcliff except for Catherine Earnshaw who loves him but is married to another man.  After the characters express their feelings about Heathcliff, he arrives with two bodyguards and an agent.  Heathcliff states that he wants to leaves.  Before Havisham can resolve this matter, the house is attacked by a group of "ProCaths" with machine guns.  The ProCaths riddle the house with bullets killing both bodyguards.  Havisham and Thursday seem to be overwhelmed by the ProCaths until Big Martin (Book Fiend and really big cat) arrives to eliminate them.  After the attack, Heathcliff agrees to stay in the book.  Havisham ends the session and tells the characters that she will return next week.

(No Chapter 13)

14 - Wuthering Heights was repaired without anyone noticing the changes.  Thursday can still remember Landen's face but not his last name.  Granny Next is still trying the read the ten most boring classics.  Generic characters Ibb and Obb have had their names capitalized and they no longer look identical to each other.  Both had been working on their sarcasm and whimsical retorts.  Obb had parted hair and Ibb was wearing a dress.  Thursday starts to teach them about subtext.  Arnold appeared at the door so Thursday used him as an example for the generics/  Ibb and Obb go to a concert with Arnold's tickets.  Thursday went to bed and tried to dream of Landen but was thwarted by Aornis. 

15 - With interference by Aornis, Thursday dreamed about Rochester on the roof of Thornfield Hall, Spike and the Supreme Evil Being stuck in his head, the attempted rescue of two-year-old Landen, a date with smelly Darren, the war in Crimea, and then back to Thornfeild Hall where learns that his sister Aornis is a mnemonomorph.  Thursday is awakened by Granny Next who helps her escape Thornfield Hall.  Thursday thens finds herself playing croquet with Aubrey Jambe.  Granny explains that she had pulled Thursday into one of her grandmother's memories.  There she saw Landen with a young child on his lap.  And then the mallet struck her head.

16 - Thursday is again harassed by three, overacting witches until Captain Nemo arrives to chase them away.  While talking to Nemo about his future projects, Thursday receives a footnoterphone message from Miss Havisham.  The Minotaur has escaped. 

17 - Thursday reads herself into Sense and Sensibility where the nursery rhyme characters are on strike.  Humpty Dumpty gave her a list of demands to give to WordMaster Libris.  She met Miss Havisham inside Norland Park/  Mr. Toad still has the fastest vehicle.  Havisham and Snell report that Perkins has not been answering the footnoterphone.  Havisham is not impress by the nursery rhyme demands.  Havisham introduces Thursday to the Eject-O=Hat for high-speed evacuation from a book.  The exit location is a little-known novel, The Middle of Next Week.  The hat may be needed because the Minotaur has escaped.  Havisham, Bradshaw, Snell and Thursday travel to The Sword of the Zenobians.  A Yahoo leaped out and ran away from guardhouse.  The group ran into a mispeling vyrus.  Snell pulls his gas mask from his TravelBook and Havisham reminds him to wear a carrot.  In the event of an encounter with the vyrus, the carrot will turn into a parrot.  The four decide to enter the castle as a group, all wearing Eject-o-hats, gas masks and carrots.  When they get inside, they discover that the Minotaur's cage is open.  Then they find the remains of Perkins who had been eaten by the Minotaur.  They decide to turn back to Norland since all their carrots were turning into parrots, as mispellings were rampant.  Bradshaw opened a cupboard that spilled out purple lights from two doxen broken jars.  Bradshaw ejected just in time.  The vyrus and loud parrots were everywhere so Havisham ejected while Snell gave his hat to Thursday and rushed to close the cupboard.  While running and trying to put on the hat, Thursday ran into the Minotaur who took her hat and ejected just as she trued to shoot it.  Thursday was almost hit by a large packing case full of dictionaries that had fallen from the sky.  Then three more cases fell.  Bradshaw returned and rushed back into the building.  Harris Tweed and a small army of Mrs. Danvers from Jurisfiction also arrived.  They began to stack the dictionaries up against the castle.  Bradshaw rescued Snell and took him back to Jurisfiction.  Havisham returned.  She told Thursday that the Minotaur was long gone.  When the dictionary dome had covered the castle and the parrots had turned back into carrots, Havisham and Thursday removed their masks.  The vyrus would be destroyed by the burning of the dictionary dome.  The DanversClones disappeared and Tweed threw a flare on the dictionaries.  Apparently, someone had allowed the Minotaur to escape since the key to the cage was gone from its usual location.   

18 - The Minotaur was last seen heading towards the works of Zane Grey.  Snell died three hours after being removed from the castle/  Snell tried to say something to Thursday but it was all terribly mispeled.  Havisham tells Thursday to meet her in 20 minutes on page 523 of Mill on the Floss.  Stephen and Maggie were in the boat.  Lucy was trying to shoot a hole in the boat with a rifle.  Havisham arrests Lucy for attempting a Fiction Infraction.  Lacy was banished from the book and sent to Jurisfiction prison with 795 other Lucys.  Havisham and Thursday went back to the Great Library.  They asked the Cheshire Cat to appoint a new Lucy.  It was time for Thursday to take practical exam to become a licensed Jurisfiction agent.  Thursday walked down to the elevator and got into it with Emperor Zhark and Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle.  Zhark complained that he could not get his collars properly starched.  Thursday went to the first floor and read herself into Sense and Sensibility and slipped by the nursery rhtme characters who were still picketing.  She bumps into Tweed who tells her that the Gryphon will be her new attorney.  She walks into the Old Jokes department where she is given directions to JurisTech.  Thursday turns in her Eject-O-Hat and gets some footnoterphone spam at the same time.  Plum told that her hat had failed because of poor maintenance.  Someone had wired the retextualizing inhibitor to the ISBN Code rectifiers.  She then met Havisham and the Bellman at the Jurisfiction office.  Bellman gave her an assignment to make an Internal Plot Adjustment from the Council of Genres for pare 232 of Shadow the Sheepdog.  Havisham urges her to pass the test.  Thursday read herself into the Library and found the out-of-print book. 

19 - Thursday arrives on page 231 with the replacement sheepdog to meet with the vet in Shadow, the Sheepdog.  She first convinced the local auctioneer to accept triple payment for pigs.  The sale of the pigs became the talk of the town.  With the dogs switched at the vet, Thursday was prepared to leave the book but she was grabbed by the townspeople and forced to marry Mr.  Passerby.  They planned to shoot and bury the new bride to allow the townfolks to generate emotions that were otherwise impossible since nothing ever happens in this fictional town.  Thursday finally convinces them that there are other ways to generate emotions.  She escapes with the blind, talking sheepdog and promises him that he would not be reduced to text.  She pulled out her TravelBook and set a course for Rabbit Grand Central.

20 - Ibb is now a woman named Lola, and Obb is a man named Randolph.  Lola wants to go shopping with Thursday.  Gran Next is back to remind Thursday to remember her missing husband, Landen.  Thursday (as "Mary") drives to Reading to meet with Detective Jack Spratt.  The big news is that the UltraWorld upgrade will be launched in two weeks at the 923rd Annual BookWorld Awards.  Traffic was slow because an accident was caused by a cubist truck that did not belong in Caversham Heights.  She met Jack outside of Mickey Finn's Gym.  Jack had met with his wife as suggested by Thursday.  Some progress had been made toward a reconciliation.  However, Jack had received a letter from the Union of Sad Loner Detectives complaining about his uncharacteristic behavior.  Jack's former girlfriend Agatha arrived in a pink Triumph Herald and slapped Jack.  She had waited for him for three hours in the Sad and Single wine bar.  After the argument, Agatha drove away.  Jack and Mary walked into the fight-rigging scene.  But when the opened the door, they saw that entire sea had been eradicated and cast into the Text Sea.  They decide to jump into the next chapter about the dead drug dealer.  So, went back three pages and then jumped into chapter eight.  This allows them to keep the book together long enough to plot a rescue plan.  Thursday drove back to the flying boat to go catalog shopping with Lola.  While shopping, Thursday gets a footnoterphone call from Cheshire Cat.  The Cat reminds her about the trial hearing.  They agree to meet in Alice in Wonderland just after the chapter about "Alice's Evidence."  Lola is feeling guilty about all the cakes she plans to eat.

21 - Thursday goes on trial for her Fiction Infraction (i.e changing the ending of Jane Eyre) in the court of the King and Queen of Hearts.  The star witness for the defense is Rochester who is a big fan of the change.  Although obviously guilty, Thursday and her lawyer (Gryphon) are hoping for compassion from the court.  Havisham believes that it could take years for the court to get to sentencing. 

22 -  Thursday is back at her boat home.  Randolph/Obb and Lola/Ibb are arguing.  Thursday sends them to their rooms.  Gran Next encourages Thursday to dream about Crimea and work hard to keep her real memories from Aornis.  She dreams of her time in the Crimean War where she met  Landen and lost her brother, Anton.  Aornis tries to convince Thursday that it was Landen and not Anton who died in the Crimea.

23 - Dr. Fnorp arrives at the boat to teach Lola and Randolph.  Thursday gets Randolph to help her run the number three engine.  In BookWorld, The Bellman calls Jurisfiction session number 40320 to order.  Item one: two minutes of silence for Perkins and Snell; item two: Bradshaw's report on the investigation of Perkin's death - Vernham Deane may be involved; item three: Deane has been added to the PageRunner list - Harris Tweed notes that Deane is well known as the resident cad in The Squire of High Potternews and for his cruelty towards the maidservant.  Tweed displays a box of punctuation marks that were found in Deane's locker (probably stolen from Ulysses); item four: The Minotaur is till on the loose; item five: extra security will be required at the 923rd BookWorld Awards; item 6: ; Thursday Next has been made a probationary Jurisfiction member; item seven: had had and that that report by Lady Cavendish.  Bellman ends the session.  Havisham gives Thursday a remnant of the Last Original Idea from 1884 and tells her to wash the word Landen off her hand.

24 - Back at the Council of Genres, Thursday takes the pledge to become a Jusisfiction operative.  She receives the badge that allows her to travel into any book.  Thursday and Havisham visit the Text Sea where the day's wordwatch was being auctioned.  Thursday receives another Junkfootnoterphone spam message.  They arrive at a copy of The Squire of High Potternews.  They are joined by Harris Tweed and Uriah Hope.  Havisham sent Thursday to see Professor Plum and then vanished.   

25 - Professor Plum told Thursday that the defective Eject-O-Hat was actually registered to Miss Havisham.  Therefore, the attack on Thursday was meant for Havisham.  Thursday rushes to find Havisham to warn her.  She finds her in the Outland where she is involved in another auto race with Mr. Toad.  Before Thursday could get to Havisham, her racecar crashed and burned.  They quickly rescued Havisham and took her to Great Expectations.  However, Havisham died before the end of the book, thereby changing the ending of another classic novel.    

26 - Thursday goes back to her boat home to mourn the loss of  Miss Havisham.  She has completely forgotten that she is pregnant and that she was ever married.  She drinks wine with Arnold.  When Gran Next comes home, she forces Thursday to purge her system.  Then Thursday is sent to bed with instructions to dream about her former life.

27 - Thursday dreamed about a lighthouse.  Aornia was on the top floor taunting her with threats of stealing Thursday's memories forever.  But Thursday resisted and eventually caused the lighthouse to crash to the ground with Aornis in it.  With her nemesis defeated, Thursday is reunited with Landen, in her dreams.

28 - Thursday awakens with memories of Landen after her first victory over Aornia.  Lola has packed a suitcase and is leaving the boathouse for a job on Girls Make All the Moves.  Randolph is unhappy.  Thursday has a long discussion with Gran Next and then goes to Caversham Heights to meet with Jack Spratt.  Jack introduces her to Nathan Snudd, a recent graduate Well plotsmith.  Snudd has some ideas for the book.  Jack tells Snudd that he is no longer a loser detective, having just moved back in with his wife and his four amusing children.  Snudd doubts that the book can afford such changes.  Then, Prometheus, a Titan who had stolen fire from the gods, arrives to also help with the book plot.  Snudd and Prometheus get into an argument and start to fight but Jack gets between them.  Snudd suddenly vanishes and the others decide to have lunch at Zorba's where Prometheus can get a discount.  

29 - Thursday is sent to work for Solomon on the 26th floor.  Before going there, she accepts Commander Bradshaw's invitation to tea on his veranda.  They jump into Bradshaw Hunts Big Game where Thursday meets Mrs. Bradshaw who is actually a gorilla.  They have been married for over 50 years.  After tea, Thursday takes the elevator to the 26th floor.  This is one of many complaint departments in BookWorld.  The Judgment of Solomon is a franchise.  Thursday's "Solomon" is a guy named Kenneth.  For the rest of the day, Thursday takes tickets from those waiting for Solomon to make a decision for them.  Problems include: exemptions from the I-before-E-except-after-C rule; the thrice-read rule; first-person narrative disputes.  Emperor Zhark complains wants the Rambosians to cede power to him.  Solomon/Solomon tells Zhark to make peace with the Rambosians, who have 18 trillion tons of nutmeg.  

30 - Thursday had been bothered about the prophecies of the three witches, especially "beware of the thrice-read rule!"  She realized that the new UltraWord software might only allow a work of fiction to be read three times which would be catastrophic for BookWorld.  She remembered the misspelled message from Snell before he died.  It occurred to Thursday that she could intrepret the message by getting close to a mispeling vyrus.  While trying to find a vyrus, she ran into Harris Tweed who offered to help.  When the vyrus changed Snell's words to "Tweed, Kaine, UltraWorld, Don't Trust," Thursday was attacked by Tweep and Uriah Hope who was turned into Uriah Heep.  Thursday escapes Tweed, Heep and the DanverClones by jumping into a page in her TravelBook/  She ran straight into the Red Queen, Benedict and the Bellman.  Tweed and Heep also jump and bring with them the head of Godot in a bag they took from Thursday's house. 

31 - Thursday was framed and arrested for the death of four Jurisdiction operatives.  Heep found the plot device she had gotten from Snell - "Suddenly, a Shot Rang Out!"  Thursday kicked Heep's hand allowing the Narrative Turning Device to activate.  Vernham Deane entered the scene with a pistol in his hand.  Deane took Thursday into the abstract, within footnoterphone circuits.  Together they plotted Thursday's escape from arrest.  Thursday brought Deane to the Bellman with Deane confessing to the crimes so Thursday could retrieve her TravelBook and get back to the Council of Genres.

32 - At the BookWorld Awards, the characters will vote on the acceptance of UltraWorld software for the Great Library after all of the awards have been presented.  Teleportation receives the award for Most Implausible Premise in a SF novel.  Brideshead Revisited wins the award for Best Chapter Opening in the English Language.  His Supreme Holiness Emperor Zhark presented the award for Most Incomprehensible Plot in Any Genre to The Magus for the fifth year in a row.  Hamlet won the Shakespearean Character You'd Most Like to Slap Award and Othello won the Dopiest Shakespearean Lead Award.  Mary Elliot from Persuasion was too unwell to collect the Most Tiresome Austen Character Award.  Count Dracula won the Best Dead Person in Fiction Award.  Best Romantic Male went to Darcy and Best Female in a Coming-of Age Book went to Scout Finch.  The final award (Most Troubled Romantic Male Lead) was to be announced by WordMaster Xavier Libris.  However, before Text Grand Central could call for the vote on UltraWorld, Thursday contacted Mimi by footnoter phone to merge Das Kapital and Mein Kampf which caused a huge explosion cutting Tweed and Libris off from Text Grand Central. 

33 - While the TGC footnoterphone line is disabled, Thursday explains the problems with UltraWorld to the assebled BookWorld characters.  She asks the Bellman to take a vote.  Before the Bellman is able to speak, Thursday gets a call from Mimi notifying her that TGC has reestablished their phone line and have reprogrammed Bellman.  Thursday quickly grabs her TravelBook and pulls the red-painted handle of the "UNPRECEDENTED EMERGENCY" control.

34 - The TravelBook emergency pull handle was a direct line to the Great Panjandrum.  She arrived and immediately froze text and locked doors.  She called for a vote that unanimously rejected UltraWord.  The Panjandrum offered Thursday the job of Bellman which she accepted.  Thursday went home where she discovered that her dodo had given birth.  Then Randolph told her that Lola was in trouble because Girls Make All the Moves could not find a publisher and was therefore being sold at auction in pieces.  Thursday was the highest bidder for Lola when she offered Havisham's "nugget of originality."  After being inaugurated as Bellman, Thursday proposed that Cavisham Heights be purchased as a sanctuary for characters, including nursery rhyme strikers, who needed a break.  Thursday asked Humpty Dumpty to coordinate the nurseries.  Vernham Deane was released.  He and Mimi were awarded the Gold Star for Reading.  They married and lived happily ever after.  Tweed, Libris and 24 others from TGC were tried and found guilty of crimes against the BookWorld.  Most of them were reduced to text.  Lola asks Thursday who killed Godot.

34a - Thursday as Bellman is confronted with a TextWind storm that is threatening to cause damage to The Scarlet Letter.  She is able to divert the storm through a series of Hemingway stories.  

Something Rotten (2004)

(re-read) 1 - Jurisfiction operatives Thursday Next and Commander Bradshaw are on the trail of the Minotaur who has escaped as a PageRunner into BookWorld.  The Minotaur had been darted with a small dose of slapstick so they could follow its movements.  Thursday just arrived to page 73 in a western novel (Death at Double-X Ranch) that was set in Nebraska and published in 1932.  The barkeeper and the sheriff had noticed an outbreak of slapstick.  The sheriff identified the Minotaur as Mr. Johnson when depicted wearing a Stetson, vest and gun belt.  The sheriff confronts gunman Able Baxter, one of a endless stream of Baxter he has defeated.  But Able has many friends who have apparently been recruited by Mr. Johnson.  The gunman was reduced to text after being shot with eraserhead by Bradshaw after the gang shot the sheriff before he could survive until page 164 with a traditional death after good-bye to his sweetheart.  Thursday realizes that she and Bradshaw are outgunned so Bradshaw took a flare gun (TextMarker) out of his TravelBook to signal Jurisfiction for more help.  Thirsday worries about all of the paperwork in front of her for changing the narratives of several works of fiction.  Soon, Emperor Zhark arrives with his battle cruiser to disperse the gang and destroy large portions of the fictional western town.  Zhark brought Mrs. Tiggy-winkle (Six-foot hedgehog) and several aliens with him.  As a result of this confrontation, Thursday decides to resign from Jurisfiction and return to Swindon to spend time with her two-year-old son, Friday and her currently non-existent husband, Landen Park-Laine.

2 - Thursday returns home with Hamlet, Prince of Denmark "to deal with escaped fictionaut, Yorrick Kaine."  She stops at her mother's house where her brother, Joffy is also visiting.  They eat Battenberg cake and then are joined by Lady Emma Hamilton.  Thursday's son, Friday is speaking in Loren Ipson, a dummy text used by the printing industry.  Joffy tells Thursday that Goliath Corp. is trying to become a religion.  Thursday's mother introduces her to her houseguest, Prussian Chancellor, Herr Otto Bismarck.  Then Thursday drove to see Granny Next (age 110).  As Thursday returns to her mother's house, she runs into Millon De Floss, her official state-sanctioned stalker who also has an official stalker, Adam Gnusense.  Thursdat realizes that her well-read stalker could become an ally.  

3 - President Formby is now the only person preventing Yorrick Kaine from being the UK dictator. Thursday and Joffy attend Swindon's ToadNews Network evening show.  The show is Evade the Question Time which involves political figures debating about current issues.  Yorrick Kaine is debating Redman van de Poste of the Commonsense Party.  Kaine easily wins the debate.  Then, Thursday grabs his arm and reads him into Zenobians.  But she had grabbed the wrong arm so Kaine got away. 

4 - Braxton Hicks has demoted Thursday to "Literary Detective Researcher" in SpecOps.  She has also been warned of an outstanding warrant for possession of illegally owned bootleg cheese.  Her mother had paid the fine while Thursday was in BookWorld.  As Thursday opened the front door to fetch milk, she barely mised being hit by a bullet.  Suddenly, time had stopped as her time-traveling father had returned and located the blond woman who fired the shot.  The shooter was a hit woman known as "The Windowmaker" whose real name is Cindy Stoker.  After warning Thursday, her father travels back to the Dark Ages to investigate a timephoon.  Time started up again with a snap.  Thursday's mother takes her to Mycroft's workshop where the Porsche 356 Speedster has been stored for her.  Thursday and Hamlet get into the speedster and drive toward to the croquet stadium in Brunel Centre for a haircut.  On the way to SpecOps to get Thursday's job back, Hamlet spots a WillSpeak machine by the side of the road.  For two schillings the machine will quote Shakespeare.  Hamlet learns that people in the UK will actually spend money to watch a play about him. 

5 - The cashier at Thursday's bank tells her that she owes them 22,000 pounds, mostly for interest on overdrafts.  Hamlet saves Thursday from a small steamroller that rolled duwn the sidewalk and through of the shop near them.  Hamlet concludes that a lot happens in the real world for no reason, unlike fiction.  They drive to the SpecOps building where Goliath now operates the coffee shop.  The shop is operated by Mr. Cheese who once an enemy of Thursday.  Cheese tells Thursday that she can now apply to the new peace-loving Goliath Corp. to cancel the eradication of Landen via "Goliath Unfair Treatment Reversal.".  He also tells her that Brik Schitt-Hawse has been transferred to Goliathopolis. 

6 - Thursday arrives SpecOps to get her job back after an absence of 2.5 years.  The new main desk sergeant does not recognize her but her name is legendary.  She first meets with her former partner, Bowden Cable who warns her about Yorrick Kaine and the Windowmaker.  Then Braxton Hicks enters the room and recounts all of her violations,  The door opens again and Colonel Flanker of SO-1 enters to put Thursday under arrest.  But before Internal Affairs can take her away, Hicks tells Flanker a lie about Thursday being under cover for over two years for the Cheese Squad in Wales, and is now being returned to duty at SO-27.  When Flanders departs, Hicks explains that he will be retiring in two weeks and "wanted to do something that made my whole pen-pushing, play-it-safe, shiny arse career actually be worth it."  In exchange for the favor, Hicks asks Thursday to play a round of golf with him on Sunday.

7 - Thursday meets with Bowden and Victor Analogy, two of the remaining three members of SO-27, LiteraTec.  They explain what has happened since she entered BookWorld, including the order from Kaine to incinerate Danish literature; and their plans to smuggle the works of Kierkegaard et al.  Also, the Montagues and Capulets have fordmed street gangs, and someone has been cloning Shakespeare.  Thursday promises to return to work after she finds her husband and day care for Friday.

8 = Thursday visits the office of SO-12, ChronoGuard to speak with her father three hours after their previous meeting.  Colonel Next has been reinstated.  He tells Thursday that she must act to allow Swindon to win the SuperHoop to prevent Kaine from becoming dictator of the country.  The Swindon loss would be a complicated beginning of a disastrous timeline that has a 22% chance of leading to a world war that could end mankind.  He also explains that there are over 700 SO-12 operatives who timeshare the tiny office while they work to preserve the Standard History Eventline.  Also, Admiral Nelson is in danger of dying during the Battle of Trafalgar and that could be terrible for the timestream.  Her father agrees to try to determine who is trying to assassinate her while she works to make sure Swindon upsets the Reading Whackers.

9 - Thursday returns to her mother's home to attend the Eradications Anonymous meeting.  The group members try to convince her that the loss of her husband is a mental problem.  A former member enters the meeting claiming to have found her lost husband, Edgar.  They chase her away. 

10 - Mrs. Tiggy-winkle (large, female, talking hedgehog) from BookWorld visits Thursday because she needs help running Jurisfiction since a new Bellman has not been named to replace Thursday.  There are rumors about copyright changes which could cause unrest and riots.  Starbucks wants to open another coffee shop in the Hardy Boys series.  The Tailor of Gloucester needs three yards of cherry-colored silk.  And, Ophelia, Laertes and Polonius have started a revolution that has changed the title of Shakespeare's play to The Tragedy of the Very Witty and Not Remotely Boring Polonius, Father of the Noble Laertes, Who Avenges His Fair Sister, Ophelia, Driven Mad by the Callous, Murderous and Outrageously Disrespectful Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.  In addition, the hedgehog tells her that her husband came home last night smelling of car exhaust.  Thursday gives Mrs. Tiggy-winkle some suggestions and sends her back to BookWorld.

11 - Thursday and Joffy arrive at Tesco's smoked sausage store, former site of the Great Cathedral of Swindon, to await the appearance of St. Zvlkx.  Lydia Startright of Toad News Network is there to film the event.  Joffy explains the refreshingly specific "Revealments" (predictions) of St. Zvlkx, and the sponsorship of the event by the Toast Marketing Board.  When St. Zvlkx finally arrives in 1988, he predicts that Swindon will have a home win on the playing fields and that the Goliath Corp. will fall. 

12 - After a brief discussion about Goliath with stalker, Millon de floss, Thursday visits her friend, Spike Stoker from SO-17 (Vampire and Werewolf Disposal) who is now married to Cindy (Windowmaker) who had tried to assassinate her.  Thursday and Cindy engage in a tense conversation where nothing is resolved.  Thursday and Spike discuss doing some freelance jobs so she can pay down her bank debt.  After the meeting, Thursday takes the Gravitude to Liverpool where she catches a shuttle to Goliathopolis to file a grievance. 

(There is no Chapter 13)

14 - Thursday arrives at the Goliath Apologarium in Goliathopolis on the Isle of Man.  She is given several forms and a numbered ticket (#6,174).  The next number to be called for those awaiting an apology from Goliath Corp. is 837.  She tears up her ticket and starts to leave but is stopped by her old nemesis, Jack Schitt who has been demoted to Apology Facilitative Operative Second Class laddernumber 12,398,219.  Jack offers to give her an apology and some compensation but he cannot bring back her eradicated husband.  However, the CEO of New Goliath calls her to her to schedule a private meeting.  Thursday agrees to take the meeting.

15 - Thursday takes the elevator to the 110th floor of the Goliath building where a board meeting is in progress.  She wait while the board finishes their discussion about the purchase and monetizing of Antarctica.  After the board meeting, the CEO (John Henry Goliath V) and Brik Schitt-Hause promise to uneradicate her husband if she will sign the Standard Forgiveness Release Form.  She signs the document.  But, on the way back to Swindon she realizes that she "had been duped by Goliath again."

16 - While Thursday discusses all of her current problems with her mother, Hamlet and Emma arrive from the theater where they had viewed a local Hamlet production at the Alhambra.  The real Hamlet was about the way the lead actor had portrayed.  There were also a dozen other "Hamlets" attending the play.  At the end of the performance, all of the Hamlets met to discuss the play and vote on each others view of the character.  The real Hamlet finished last in the voting.  After expressing his dismay to Thursday, Hamlet left the room to go view the Hamlets of Gibson and Olivier.  As Thursday started to experience some pro-Goliath flashbacks, Emperor Zhark arrived in the kitchen with two of his henchmen. 

17 - Zhark provides some news from BookWorld: 1) The BW Justice Dept. has rearrested Max de Winter from Rebecca; 2) The Polonius family has agreed to attend arbitration over the rewriting of Hamlet; 3) Ophelia has been promised her own book but she is upset by Hamlet's affair with Henna Appleton; 4) Hamlet, Prince of Denmark was the victim of a hostile takeover and is now titled The Merry Wives if Windsor.  Thursday decides that she must find another Shakespeare to rewrite the play and stop the merger.  Zhark remembers one more problem in BW: Simpkin in The Tailor of Gloucester has let all his mice escape.  Therefore, the Mayor's coat may not be ready by Christmas.  Zhark agrees to find the mice and then leaves to destroy the planet Thraal.

18 - Zhark returns to ask Thursday to save his character from being executed in the sixth and final book of the Emperor Zhark series (End of Empire).  Thursday declines his request and sends him back to BookWorld. 

19 - Thursday plays golf with Braxton Hicks.  The next morning she starts looking for a sitter for Friday so she can look for a Shakespeare clone to fix The Merry Wives of Elsinore,  Joffy arrives for Breakfast with St. Zvlkx who only speaks and understands Old English.  Hamlet, speaking Courier Bold, arrives with Lady Hamilton.  Since her mother cannot sit with Friday, Thursday reads herself into Bradshaw Defies the Kaiser to get Bradshaw's ape/wife to sit with her son.  Thursday drove to the SpecOps building to meet with Bowden.  He is busily working to smuggle Danish before Kaine can destroy them.  They discuss the known clones of Shakespeare in the area.  Bowden refers Thursday to Agent Stiggins, a neanderthal in SO-13 who deals "with mammoth migrations and chimeras having anything to do with cloned Elizabethan playwrights."  Stiggins was currently investigating a chimera alert in the Brunel Centre.

20 - At Brunel Centre, Thursday and Bowden observe a chimera named Dennis eating out of a garbage bin.  The chimera is a home cloning project gone wrong.  This chimers "was about the size of a goat and had the rear legs of one, but not much else.  The tail and forelegs were lizard, the head almost feline.  It had several tentacles" and one human arm.  Unfortunately, SO-13 is required to destroy all chimeras.  They go to the Swindon morgue where Mr. Rumplunkett shows them the corpses of three Shakespeare clones.  Before they leave, Thursday's father stops time to ask her about the result of the SuperHoop.  He is one week early.

21 - Thursday's ChronoGuard father takes her to The Battle of Trafalgar where they barely save Admiral Neksin from a sniper's bullet.  Then they return to 1988.

22 - Thursday arrives at the croquet stadium to watch the Swindon Mallets practice.  While she is there, their top player (Roger Kapok) and their manager both quit the team.  Thursday becomes the new manager of the team. 

23 - Thursday meets with Bowden who needs to get ten trucks full of ban books out of England.  Then, Major Drabb reports that he go not find a single Danish book in the Albert Schweitzer Memorial Library.  She goes to see Gran Next in the garden of the Goliath Twilight Homes.  Gran has assembled the ten most boring books that she needed to read before she dies but she has not started to read then.  Thursday tells Gran all of her current problems.  Gran gives Thursday some suggestions to improve the performance of the Swindon Mallets hockey team and beats her at Scrabble.

24 - Thursday arrived ar her mother's home just before she returned home and learned that a gorilla (Melanie, Mrs. Bradshaw) was sitting with her grandson.  Thursday tries various diversions including those involving Hamlet and Lady Hamilton on the sofa.  However, Wednesday discovers Melanie trying to sneak out through the garden, and invites her inside for cake and some beauty products.  During small take at tea with her mother, Thursday realizes that her husband must have actually been uneradicated.  She grabs Friday and rushes over to Landen's house where she learns that, during her 2.5 year absence Landen has married Daisy Mutlar.

25 - Landen was just joking about Daisy.  He was glad to see her although that story about an eradication was hard to believe.  However, just as Thursday was getting into bed with her husband, she discovered that the bed was occupied by Landen's parents.  Her husband was missing again.

26 - Thursday's Uncle Mycroft has returned from the Mad Scientists' Conference but now has no memory of his previous inventions.  He is now working on "Theoretical Nextian Mathematics."  He believes that he can reduce all literature to an equation of less than 50 digits.  Lady Emma Hamilton is going back to BookWorld but offers Thursday some croquet team strategy before she leaves.  Hamlet is upset about losing his lover.  Aubrey Lambe calls to remind Thursday that she needs to find a few good players before the big croquet match on Saturday.  Thursday's mother and Bismarck are planning to take Friday to the zoo.  

27 - Thursday and Spike are selected for a classified job.  President Formby is missing.  Spike thinks Formby may be semidead by accidentally entering a gateway to the underworld.  Thursday quizzes Spike about his wife, Cindy who has twice tries to assassinate her.  Thursday and Spike drive the M4 where Formby disaappeared at high speed until they see a sliver of light which is the chink in the dark curtain that separates the living from the dead.  Spike swerves the car into the light entering the underworld.  

28 - Thursday and Spike entered the motorway services building.  The waitress called number 32 and sent a woman to a pedestrian footbridge where she vanished.  They found President Formby sitting by himself at a table with number 33 on it.  Before they could rescue him, three men approached.  One was Chesney, a former SpecOps from SO-17 with his hand on the top of his head.  They grabbed Formby and took him back inside.  Thursday and Spike fought back until Chesney lost his head.  They took Formby back to their car and entered the exit ramp of the M4 westbound. 

29 - Thursday gets paid for saving President Formby with a post-dated check.  Major Drabb complains that he cannot find any Danish books but Thursday sends him back to look some more.  Journalists tell Thursday that the Swindom Mallets have lost five more players.  Back home she learns that Landen has returned but then leaves again as her wedding ring comes and goes from her finger.  That evening the Cheshire appears to tell Thursday that he has located the Yorrick Kaine character in a self-published book (At Long Last Lust) by Danish author, Daphne Farquitt.  The Cat also notifies her that the Gryphon will sentence her for Fiction Infraction in two weeks.  Thursday goes to the workshop to visit her absent-minded, inventive aunt and uncle.  She identifies the following inventions: the Nextrahedron and a device for guessing the number of pips in an orange and an Olfactrograph and a small box that can convert gold to lead and the Ovinator (unknown use).  Then, they all go inside to watch Name That Fruit!

30 - Thursday and Bowden hold a meeting with members of the neanderthal community.  They agree to break into the Goliath lab in Wales to find the cloned Shakespeares and help the neanderthals to be able to procreate.  The neanderthals agree to provide five of their best croquet players to help the Swindom Mallets win the SuperHoop.  Then they eat rabbit in a beetle sauce.

31 - Thursday and Bowden talk about posing as water officials to drive ten trucks full of banned Danish books into Wales.  Then Thursday realizes that her wedding ring has reappeared so goes to visit Landen.  She notices that her stalker, Millon is hiding in the garden.  Thursday asks Millon to help her get to Wales and she agrees to allow him to be her official biographer.  Millon tells her that Goliath has an Ovinator and Kaine may have access to it.  The Goliath BioEngineering lab is located in a mid-Wales area known as Area 21.  Thursday and Millon make a plan to travel to Wales on the next morning.  She calls Bowden and Stig to join them.  When Thursday gets back to Landen's house she is introduced to Handley Paige, author of the Zhark books.  She tries but fails to get Paige to maroon Zhark on an uninhabited planet instead of killing him.  

32 - Thursday and company, followed by ten trucks full of banned Danish book, travel to the Welsh border.  Thursday brought an ovinator with her.  She had determined that the ovinator was a device that "transmits subalpha brain waves that inhibit free will and install sheeplike tendencies into the minds of anyone close by."  With the ovinator activated, the convoy easily gets past the border guards,  In Wales the Danish consulate found an unused hangar to store the books.  Thursday, Bowden, Millon and neanderthal Stig drove deeper into Wales to locate the abandoned Goliath biolab where sabertooth tigers, neanderthal and Shakespeare clones had been manufactured and stored.  When they reached the Shakespeare lab, they heard a voice telling them that all the clones were dead.   

33 - William Shgakespeafe, the last remaining clone of Shakespeare, introduces himself to the group and gives them a tour of the facility.  He shows them the mounds and mounds of paperwork the clones had created.  Shgakespeafe agrees to go with them,  Stig is the last to jump into the car with three leatherbound volumes of a manual with which baby neanderthals.  On the drive from the biolab, they are trapped by a gang of chimeras.  The chimeras are chased away by a group of Napolean clones who are then chased away by Wellington clones, allowing Thursday, Bowden, Millon, Stig and Shgakespeafe to escape.  They drive away from Area 21 and across the Welsh border.

34 - Thursday awakens at home with Landen one day before the SuperHoop.  Thursday calls her assassin Cindy, the Windowmaker and begs her to stay home today.  Cindt refuses.  Then Mrs. Tiggy-winkle arrives from BookWorld to collect Shgakespeare so he can rewrite The Merry Wives of Elsinore.  Landen learns that Thursday will wear a bullet-proof vest today because of the expected third assassination attempt.  He tells her to be careful.  Thursday drives to Wanborough to meet with brother Joffy and discuus the secrets of St. Zvlkx who may be a member of ChronoGuard.  They searcg Zvlkx's room and find a one-way Gravitube ticket to Bali.  Thursday and Joffy drive to Swindon to try to find Zvlkx.  They see him near a betting shop and chase him until he runs into a bus.  Zvlkx dies but gives Joffy his Book of Revealments and warns him about Shirley the liar.  Thursday remembers her meeting time with Cindy and rushes to Granville Street.  She meets Cindy and Spike who both have guns aimed at her.  Thursday pulls her gun but before anyone can shoot, a baby grand piano falls on Cindy.  The police arrive and Spike tells them that his wife is the Windowmaker.

35 - Cindy survived and is in a coma.  Thursday visits her mother and grandmother to give the an update on her issues.  Bismarck and Hamlet threaten to kill each other.  Thursday receives a telegram from Yorrick Kaine requesting a meeting.

36 - thursday meets Kaine in an abandoned hangar/  She loads her gun with eraserhead bullets.  Kaine sends a hellbeast at her but she erases it.  Thursday erases two more fictional characters but is unable to erase Kaine who sends Medusa to grab her.  Just before Medusa can force Thursday to open her eyes, Cheshire Cat arrives from BookWorld with Beowulf to slay Medusa.   Kaine sends a Tyrannosaurus Rex to eat Beowulf then the Cat sends a jabberwock to wrestle the giant lizard.  Kaine then breaks the rules and creates an enormous kraken to battle.  After some thought, the Cat brings out the Blue Fairy to turn Kaine into a real person who can no longer control fictional characters. Kaine runs to his car and drives away from the hangar.

37 - Thursday arrives at the croquet stadium for the SuperHoop.  Kaine and Stricknene bring an Ovinator to the locker room of the Swindon Mallets.  Before the device can take effect on the team, Hamlet pierces the ovinator case, destroying it.  Kaine orders the SO-6 police to arrest Hamlet and the entire team which would cause them to forfeit the match,  However, Hamlet tells Kaine that he brought 120,000 fans of Danish author Daphne Farquitt with him, and they want to see a game.  Kaine agrees to allow the game to continue.  Then, the five neanderthals are disqualified for not being human which is an obscure rule that was written to prohibit the use of horses.  Thursday is drafted to play for Swindon so they will have the required number of six players on the field.  The Whackers coach complains and is finer one point giving Swindon a 1-0 lead. 

38 - The SuperHoop begins with Swindon outnumbered nine players to six.  Reading leads after the first third, eight hoops to four.  Swindon's Penelope Hrah is disqualified for being born in Denmark.  The Mallets go on defense in the second third that ends with the Whackers leading 21-12.  During the break, Swindon's lawyer, Twizzit provides proof that the neanderthals are 1.03 percent human since they were cloned between 1939 and 1948 using a human voice box.  With the five neanderthals cleared to play, the Mallets go on offense and tie the score at 30-30 with eight seconds to play. 

39  - Thursday took the sudden-death shot in the rain from 50 yards, but before she learns if Swindon won, she gets shot by the Minotaur.

40 - Thursday undergoes surgery for a gunshot wound above her right eye.  Hamlet, Zhark and Mr. & Mrs. Bradshaw visit Landen while they all wait for the results of the surgery.

 41 - Thursday wakes up at table 17 waiting to be called to Northside.  Chesney tells her that she must be dead.  But Spike arrives just in time to take her place.  Thursday gets in Spike's car but turns around when she realizes what he is doing.  She runs across the bridge and meets Formby who had died just as Thursday's father had told her.  Formby gets on the boat.  But before Thursday can take the next boat, Cindy rans into to it to take her place and atone for her sins.  Thursday turns and goes back home, still not knowing which team won SuperHoop,

42 - Swindon won the SuperHoop and Thursday's shot has been named: "Sporting Moment of the Century."  Kaine is finished and the Goliath Corp. has abandoned all attempts to become a religion.  St. Zvlkx's Seventh Revealment was actually a gambling bet with odds of 124,000 to 1.  St. Zvlkx's bet of 128 billion pounds was underwrittem by Tudor Turk whose parent company.is Goliath.  Since the bet was lost, Goliath is liable for it thereby giving the Toast Marketing a 58% share of the corporation.  Without the Ovinator, Kaine was drummed out of Parliament and faced the biggest array of indictments ever heaped upon a public figure.  And Hamlet said: "Alas, poor Yorrick.  I knew hum well."

43 - The leader of the Toast party has announced mandatory toast eating requirements and a drive to place a new toaster in every home within a year.  Shakespeare clone Shgakespeafe has written Hamlet out of The Merry Wives of Elsinore.  Hamlet is now a member of Jurisfiction charged with Shakespeare preservation.  Thursday's father arrived to explain that St. Zvlkx was actually someone named Steve Schulz of the Toast Marketing Board. 

44 - Thursdat was given the "Silver Star" medal as part of the Swindon Mallets team for winning SuperHoop.  Handley Paige has decided not to kill off the Emperor Zhark character. Thursday meets with Gryphon and Mock Turtle to receive her sentence for her fiction infraction: "20 years of wearing blue gingham and not dying until she has finished reading the ten most boring books.  Thursday visits Granny Next at Goliath Twilight Homes.  She realizes that Granny is just herself as an old woman.  She helps Granny read the last paragraph of her tenth worst book: Faerie Queen.  All of Thursday's future children and many friends, real and fiction, visit to witness the event.  Thursday and Landen go to dinner at SmileyBurger.

The Big Over Easy - Penguin Books - 2005 - 386 pages

Detective Inspector Jack Spratt works for the Reading Police Department in the Nursery Crime Division. Humperdinck Aloysius Dumpty is found dead near
a wall; It looks like an open and shut case but maybe not. As in his Thursday Next series, author Fforde uses numerous literary references to tie
together a very entertaining story in an alternate timeline. Do not try to read this one to your 5-year-old child unless you are prepared to answer a
multitude of questions. I did not see how the author could turn this well-known nursery rhyme into a 400-page detective story but he did it. I
like the way his mind works. [JAM 6/9/2012]

The Fourth Bear - Viking - 2006 - 383 pages

This is the second volume (after The Big Over Easy) in Fforde's "Nursery Crime" series.  Detectives Jack Spratt and Mary Mary are investigating the recent death of a local journalist and bear supporter (Goldilocks) who died at the "SommeWorld" theme park that provides guests with a realistic experience of trench warfare that occurred during WWI.  At the same time, a giant, psychotic gingerbreadman is on the loose and, Spratt is also trying to locate the mysterious car salesman (Dorian Gray) who sold him an Austin Allegro Equipe that repairs itself.  The investigation takes Jack and Mary to the home of the Bruin family that has been attacked by an unknown assailant who has been cultivating award-winning, nuclear cucumbers.  At the center of the action is a "giant fictional multination corporation" (QuangTech Industries) owned by the Quangle-Wangle who has not been seen in a dozen years.  Other characters include noisy neighbors (and marriage counselors) Punch & Judy, Virginia Kreeper, Hardy Fuchsia, Bisky-Batt and Constable Ashley who is an alien who mostly communicates in binary.  The story gets more complicated when Jack's wife (Madeline) discovers that he is a PDR ("Person of Dubious Reality").  And then Mary gets in trouble for flashing the occupants of the International Space Station during her first date with alien Ashley.  But author Fforde makes it all work with large doses of irony, an outstanding knowledge of literature, and a seemingly boundless sense of humor.  There is never a doubt that the ending will be a happy one.  And, there is no Chapter 13.  [JAM 5/16/2016]

First Among Sequels (2007)

Shades of Grey - Viking - 2009 - 390 pages

Many years after Something That Happened, Eddie Russett and his father travel to East Carmine in the Fringes.  Mr. Russett is a swatchman who is able to cure the ailments of the citizenry by timed exposure to various color combinations.  In this post-apocalyptic world, author Fforde has identified numerous hazards that the Chromatics can avoid only by adhering to the very specific Rules.  Citizens are classified by their ability to see colors with the "greys" being the working class destined to serve unending hours of servitude while the "purples" are the ruling class living a life of privilege.  Others (yellows, reds, blues, etc.) are able to fill skilled positions.  The goal for all is to improve their hue standing by marrying up-color.  Jasper Fforde has the most inventive mind of any living author.  I am amazed by his creation of fictional concepts and his ability to deliver the theme throughout.  This first book in the "Shades of Grey" series exceeds any of the volumes in the highly-regarded Thursday Next series of which I am also a huge fan.  [JAM 7/4/2012]

The Last Dragonslayer (2010)

The Song of the Quarkbeast (2011)

One of Our Thursdays Is Missing - Viking/Penguin - 2011 - 267 pages

Do not try to read this novel unless you have successfully read one of the previous five novels in the "Thursday Next" series (The Eyre Affair, Lost in a Good Book, The Well of Lost Plots, Something Rotten & First Among Sequels).  In an alternate universe, Ms. Next is a Jurisfiction agent who travels through literature to restore continuity and proper endings for works of fiction, especially the classics.  In this volume, the real Thursday is missing and her written self is racing through genres in BookWorld to find her before the leader of the Racy Novel genre can take control of the metaphor stream.  Along the way, she rescues a duplex-5, cog-style robot from the Conspiracy genre and he becomes her faithful companion and butler for the adventure.  This is the most complicated of the Thursday Next series and is for book lovers only. [JAM 3/16/2011]

The Woman Who Died a Lot - Viking Penguin - 2012 - 366 Pages

Thursday Next is 54 now and she walks with a limp in this seventh book in the series.  She has two teenage children (Friday and Tuesday) and a third (Jenny) who is mostly imaginary.  Thursday's Jurisfiction Division of SpecOps was disbanded many years ago as was the ChronoGuard since time travel has become unreliable.  However, SpecOps is hiring again because of a national stupidity surplus.  Thursday's return to duty comes just in time for her to address problems including the scheduled smiting of the town of Swindon, the continued growth of the evil Goliath Corporation, the looming arrival of asteroid HR-6984 in 2041, and the arrival of unfavorable destiny letters to her son, Friday and several others.  Meanwhile, arch-enemies Aornis Hades and Jack Schitt are making mischief as usual.  No writer this side of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (1922-2007) has an imagination that matches that of Mr. Fforde.  Every page of this book is filled with cleverness and entertainment.  The author has created a world full of wonder and magic with a wry English sense of humor.  Again, I suggest that new readers start with The Eyre Affair and read the books sequentially.  There are aspects of the series that carry from one book to the next.  [JAM 10/14/2012]

The Last Dragonslayer III: The Eye of Zoltar (2014)

Early Riser - Hodder & Stoughton - 2018 - 402 pages

In the "Acknowledgements," author Fforde thanks his readers "for sticking with me during what I now call my creative hiatus of 2014-2016."  Since his last book (The Eye of Zoltar) was published in 2014, there has been speculation about which of his four series (Thursday Next, Nursery Crimes, Dragonslayer, Shades of Grey) would be the source of his next book.  Instead, he wrote stand-alone Early Riser that is not intended to start a new series.  Set in a different (?) 20th-century (?) Wales and a parallel world where the Winters are deadly, this novel examines the hibernatory habits of mankind and the manipulations of dream worlds by government agencies.  Our hero, Charlie Worthing has decided to leave St. Granata's Pooled Parentage Station and join the "Winter Consul" that guard the "Dormitoriums" from "Slumberdown" to "Springrise." In this world, the life expectation has been reduced to 64 years because of the harsh winters and the "nightwalkers" who are the hibernatory mutants.  Fforde is known for his clever writing style that mixes a sense of humor with situations that only sprout from his creative mind.  While reading this book, it occurred to me that Jasper Fforde is the current writer who comes closest to Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (1922-2007) with his insight and entertaining writing style.  It was worth the wait.  Keep them coming, Mr. Fforde. [JAM 9/10/2018]

The Constant Rabbit - Hodder & Stoughton - 2020 - 307 pages

This book is set in the UK (Much Hemlock) in a different timeline when rabbit communities have anthropomorphised and have a language of their own.  The human protagonist (Peter Knox) works as an analyst for the Ministry for Rabbit Affairs but also moonlights for a local Speed Library group that exists to combat government regulations that have limited the work of librarians to six minutes per two-week period.  The conflict of the story comes from anti-rabbit groups who want to keep them out of libraries and eventually send them back to Wales.  Derogatory terms for "rabbit" are bunny, flopsy, etc.  The introduction to the Speed Librarying chapter is: "Somebody once said that the library is actually the dominant life force on the planet.  Humans simply exist as the reproductive means to achieve more libraries."  Peter joins forces with an old college friend (Constance Rabbit) who is a prominent member of the Rabbit Underground.  Author Fforde makes this all work as rabbits, foxes, weasels and other misc. animals with human traits charge toward an ultimatum.  This is the second of Fforde's "stand-alone" novels published six years after the last of his Dragonslayer series; and eight years after the latest Thursday Next adventure.  The author just keeps his fans guessing about his direction.  But, it is always worth the wait.  [JAM 8/6/2020]